Let’s talk about arguing, fighting and how to speak and be in the midst of conflict! My boo and I are very passionate but during times when we don’t see eye to eye the passion turns to “attack”! What relationship advice can you give me to help us argue better?
On the Attack
Dear On the Attack,
Every couple argues. The only difference is how you argue. From the little that you tell me it’s seems that you and your man go into beast mode when conflict arises. But is it unhealthy?
It can be unhealthy if it’s happening often, as in daily. And, of course, if it turns into abuse on either side. Name calling, curse words, cursing out your partner, belittling your partner: if any or all of these things are happening, you are headed for disaster and a loss of respect. Another sign that passionate arguing is damaging your relationship is feeling like you cannot speak your mind. In order words, you are afraid or intimidated so you clam up or walk on eggshells.
Now, let’s say this isn’t the case at all. You and your man are just fiery! How do you cool your jets when in the midst of conflict?
By remembering how much you love each other.
That way you are more aware of what leaves your lips.
By counting to ten.
This is an old technique that works! It will cool you down.
By using “I feel” statements.
No one can tell you how to feel. Your feelings are always valid and so are that of your mans. If you use “I feel” statements instead of accusatory words and pointing fingers, you will communicate better.
By walking away for a bit.
Sometimes it truly is the best thing. You can say, “Let’s table this,” or, “I just need a minute.” Because discussing an issue right when it happens can lead to hot-headed talk and behavior.
By learning to let go.
Because how serious is your argument anyway? Not all arguments are created equal. So pick your battles!
Overall, being open, communicative and loving will help diffuse conflict. Remember why you are with this man. Remember how happy he makes you. Remember what your relationship is worth and how much he matters to you, and vice versa. That, my fiery chica, the key.
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