I’ve been dealing with my child’s father for years. It was mainly sexual but he has always been in my life. He has a girlfriend now and says he loves her but he’s always around me and my child. It’s as if we were a family. He also tells me his personal problems but says he doesn’t have feelings for me.
I want to change things up – make him want me again and take things further this time. I don’t know how to go about it. Can you give me some advice on what to do?
More Than A Baby Daddy
Dear More Than A Baby Daddy,
I’m going to hit you with my best shot, and it may hurt. It seems to me that the father of your child may actually be around often because he wants to provide a healthy upbringing for your child. But you aren’t seeing it this way. Instead, you think he’s there for you.
He has a girlfriend. He says he doesn’t have feelings for you. What else can he do to make it clear that he’s moved on without tarnishing your relationship and, in turn, hurting his relationship with his child?
That’s what makes the situation complicated and why he’s treading carefully. He wants you in his life; you are the mother of his child. He tells you things because he is building a healthy report with you, the mother of his child…who has custody…who controls when he sees his child…who can take it all away. Do you see how this can get ugly fast?
I know this is hard to hear and I also realize he may be leading you on by spending time with you and your child as a “family.” So, tell him that he needs to have one-on-one time with your child. As much as it may hurt, you need to set boundaries so you don’t try to sneak your way back into his arms…or his bed.
Also, it is obvious you want this time together because you want to win him back. Thing is you can’t make someone want you or want to be with you. You can’t win someone back if they weren’t your prize to begin with.
So, move on. Set boundaries so your child still has a relationship with his father without hurting you in the process. As much as you want to be with him this is not what he wants. Take his word for it and continue doing what’s best for your child.
Love strongly and wisely,
DISCLAIMER: The advice offered by Sujeiry Gonzalez are solely the opinion of Sujeiry Gonzalez and should not be considered as a form of therapy and/or diagnosis or treatment of any kind. If counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.[contact-form-7 404 "Not Found"]